Cow’s lord of the rings – a remake

“The world is changed: I feel it in the  water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it  in the air…Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.”

“Sauron, the enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur...”

“Sauron, the enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur…”

“No thank you! We don't want any more visitors, well-wishers or distant relations!” “And what about very old friends?”

“No thank you! We don’t want any more visitors, well-wishers or distant relations!” “And what about very old friends?”

“Shire! Baggins!”

“Shire! Baggins!”

“I think we should get off the road.” ” That black rider was looking for something - or someone. Frodo?”

“I think we should get off the road.” ” That black rider was looking for something – or someone. Frodo?”

"Smoke rises from the mountain of Doom. The hour grows late and Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come, is it not… my old friend?"

“Smoke rises from the mountain of Doom. The hour grows late and Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come, is it not… my old friend?”

“I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.” ”What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?”

“I don’t think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.” ”What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn’t he?”

"Give up the halfling, she-Elf!" “If you want him, come and claim him!”

“Give up the halfling, she-Elf!” “If you want him, come and claim him!”

“You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed.” “Then what are we waiting for?”

“You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed.” “Then what are we waiting for?”

“The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade.”

“The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade.”

“You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. You shall not pass!”

“You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. You shall not pass!”

“The light of Earendil’s star, set amid the waters of my fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”

“The light of Earendil’s star, set amid the waters of my fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”

“Fear not! Long have I desired to look upon the likenesses of Isildur and Anárion, my sires of old. Under their shadow, Elessar, the Elfstone, son of Arathorn of the House of Valandil, Isildur’s son, heir of Elendil, has nought to dread!”

“Fear not! Long have I desired to look upon the likenesses of Isildur and Anárion, my sires of old. Under their shadow, Elessar, the Elfstone, son of Arathorn of the House of Valandil, Isildur’s son, heir of Elendil, has nought to dread!”

“The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where isss it? They stole it from us. My preciousss. Curse them! We hates them! It’s ours, it is... and we wantssss it!”

“The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where isss it? They stole it from us. My preciousss. Curse them! We hates them! It’s ours, it is… and we wantssss it!”

"All dead. All rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle long ago. The Dead Marshes. Yes, yes! That is their name. This way. Don't follow the lights."

“All dead. All rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle long ago. The Dead Marshes. Yes, yes! That is their name. This way. Don’t follow the lights.”

“Your words are poison!” Éowyn runs out of the hall. Weeping, she looks away into the distance.

“Your words are poison!” Éowyn runs out of the hall. Weeping, she looks away into the distance.

“Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here.”

“Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here.”

"Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East."

“Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East.”

“That road there where does that lead?” “It is the road to the Dimholt, the door under the mountain.” “None who venture there ever return.  That mountain is evil.”

“That road there where does that lead?” “It is the road to the Dimholt, the door under the mountain.” “None who venture there ever return. That mountain is evil.”

“The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it.” “I do not fear death.”"Here is a thing unheard of! An Elf will go underground and a Dwarf dare not!"

“The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it.” “I do not fear death.””Here is a thing unheard of! An Elf will go underground and a Dwarf dare not!”

“The rock and pool is nice and cool, so juicy sweet! I only wish to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!”

“The rock and pool is nice and cool, so juicy sweet! I only wish to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!”

“Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!”

“Then let us be rid of it… once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can’t carry it for you… but I can carry you!”

“One Ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them”

“One Ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them”

If you would like to find out more about the real places used for filming as well as how to get there please visit the related post New Zealand – seeking the Middle Earth.

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